


Fate and Destiny Got in a Fight

by SomeoneToCarryYou



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Competent Finn, F/F, F/M, Finn is force sensitive, Gen, Han and Leia bicker like an old married couple cuz they are, Han is a good dad, Hurt/Comfort, Jessika is a good friend, M/M, PTSD, Protective Finn, Protective Rey, Recovery, Rey and Finn Brotp, Trauma, darth vader but more anakin as a ghost, fall out, finn heals from light saber to spine, fluff too, han misses luke, heal together, leia reflects on early rebellion days, luke and leia are cute siblings but fight, mental health, mentions of Ashoka Tano, poe is nervous, protective han, rey learns to trust, snap is done with this shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2019-01-15 02:55:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12312432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeoneToCarryYou/pseuds/SomeoneToCarryYou
Summary: Everyone is trying to heal and trying to heal each other. That's how family is. And everyone is forced to consider if they believe in fate or destiny, or even the force, in the face of all the evil in the world. Also tooth rotting fluff.





	1. Skin Stretched Tight

**Author's Note:**

> I may attempt smut for the first time later in this fic, but that would be my first time. No pun intended. Chapter Ratings may change, there will be swearing and potentially graphic depictions of violence.

Poe spends most his time in the infirmary. His orange jumpsuit is a bright splash of color in a shiny white and chrome standard hospital room, contrasted with a horribly uncomfortable lime green plastic chair one of the medics had dug up for Poe when the pilot threatened to just stand or sit on the floor. It's really a terrible little chair, the static of the bolts zaps Poe every time he so much as shifts weight from one foot to the other, and the long clay dark curls of his hair sometimes get caught around them when he bends to check Finn's chart. He's comatose right now, Finn is. Taking a light saber to the back will do that to a fellow. And at that, a tired huff of air puffs from between slightly chapped lips as Poe shakes his head, caramel concerned eyes never leaving the sight of the rise and fall of his friend's chest. Who in their right mind, with no training at all, scoops up a light saber and decides to fight Kylo fucking Ren in the middle of a damn snow storm? This idiot apparently, Poe thinks fondly, reaching forward to grasp Finn's hand in his own. Rey had told the stories to everyone from the janitor droids to high command, about everything from Jakku to having the air knocked from her lungs, and watching Finn protect her. She hadn't cried, but Poe almost had, when she described the sight of Finn reasonably holding his own, until with a loud zapping noise and flash of red that had nothing to do with the treacherous glow of Kylo Ren's lightsaber, scarlet on snow as Finn slumped lifelessly to the snow. He was gonna be one hell of a big deal if he woke up. No. When he woke up. Course plenty of people didn't trust Finn yet, who'd ever heard of a stormtrooper breaking out of that lifetime of indoctrination and brainwashing? But Finn had apparently explained to Rey the slick red blood of his friend Slip's hands, grasping for a friend, for any solace, as he died in Finn's arms on Jakku. And the terrible sick thing was, Poe knew in all likelihood he had been the one whose blaster fire ended Slip's life in the sand. He didn't know if he regretted it, he had a mission, he was trying to live, and Slip would have tried to kill him too. But the mourning in Finn's voice, Rey had told Poe, clearly showed Slip was like a little brother to him. That wasn't all, going over the intelligence reports, he realized Finn himself had been forced into situations already where he had to kill the closest approximation Finn had to friends. Outside Maz's place. Aboard the Finalizer. How many people was this one man mourning, and how much blood did he picture on his face dripping down his chest and hands? It make Poe nauseous to think about it. How Finn had thrown away his safe flight out of the system in the name of a grumpy scavenger from Jakku. How Finn had dragged himself through the dunes of Jakku in a desperate bid to find Poe, and worn his jacket as a remembrance of his assumed fallen companion. How Finn hadn't hesitated to use his knowledge of the First Order to save the galaxy. How he'd thrown himself into a fight he knew he'd never win. And how here he was, badly burned, unconcious, lying in a hospital bed. Stars only knows what he dreamed of. Maybe it was memories of training and physical torture. Maybe it was soundless fear, or the zapping flash of pain that severed his spine on an infinite loop. Poe himself wasn't doing much better if you wanted him to be frank. Having Kylo Ren rip into his brain, it was like spiders crawling inside you, like someone violating you in the worst ways, squishing their fist inside you and sloppily poking and smushing parts of you, twisting them into knots so hard you couldn't breath, it messed you up. Poe was messed up. He had strange distorted nightmares, some based off memories, some just terrifying pain and dark shadowy fear. It was how he had heard a bad acidic trip could go, every night all night. So Poe stayed by Finn. He talked to the unconscious man whose spine had been painstakingly rebuilt with metal rods and who knows what else. Whose back was marred by a huge thick scar curving from hip to opposite shoulder under a mess of gauze. Sitting here, Poe felt he really didn't have any place to complain next to Finn. But as he told old stories, history, his daily life, and the escapades of BB-8, he found comfort that sleep no longer afforded him. He'd found a spool of thick thread and a needle and set to work mending the jacket he'd gifted to Finn.

"Keep it, it looks good on you". 

There was another reason he'd stayed too. A promise to the strange skinny girl who could fly the Falcon and defeat Kylo Ren with sabers and mind tricks. Rey had to find Luke and begin training. She'd be a Jedi. Though according to her Finn was just as in tune with the Force. But time waits for no one, and she'd been forced to depart without getting to see if Finn would be alright. She'd begged Poe to keep watch over her first friend and he'd promised. Han hadn't seemed that upset to let someone else fly the Falcon, as he was in the next hospital room nearest to Finn with a double penetrating lightsaber wound from his son. Poe had seen the sobering sight of Han and Leia together, Leia holding her husband's hand as they looked wordlessly, mournfully at one and other. No words spoken, no words needed. It made Poe so very furious. How could someone with parents like these, who'd loved Ben so dearly, have in any way earned this torment? It made Poe miss his mother, and that only embittered him further. What he would give to be able to talk to Shara, to hold her. And Ben could have that any time he liked. And he didn't care one single bit. 

And what about Finn and Rey? Who'd never known the faces and names of their parents and likely never would? What would they give to be able to reach out and touch, to hold in their eyes the voices and expressions of their families? Poe knew Leia and Han still believed Ben could be saved. But Poe didn't, not anymore. He'd been so desperate to believe his childhood playmate wasn't evil. But then came the holovids of Luke's new Jedi school. The small distinct shapes of slaughtered children strewn about, the burning marks of a Jedi blade prominent against deathly pale skin and the pools of blood congealing beneath them and around their tiny forms like hideous halos. Few people had seen that footage, but Poe had. And he'd still foolishly believed Ben was in there somewhere. That was before the mental torture and violation, before Finn's quiet bravery and Rey's broken heart. Before Han came back moments from death, cradled with Finn in the massive arms of Chewie. Before Poe saw Leia sway ever so slightly on her feet like she wanted to sink to her knees and cry for her shattered family. For the unfairness of it all. But she'd straightened, escorted the two to medical, planned Rey's journey to Luke, and run business as usual. All hail the General indeed.

BB-8 rolled themselves against Poe's knee to get his attention from deep and morbid thoughts. 'Friend-Poe, the medics said Coat-Thief will awaken. He may even have full functioning mobility. Do not fret.'

With a crooked smile, Poe leaned down to pat BB-8's head fondly. "Yeah buddy. I just can't wait for it is all". 

"Your sewing is abominable," Dr. Kalonia commented as she breezed in to check on Finn. Poe could only laugh a little, he enjoyed the sarcastic and maternal medic and her company, even when most of it was her yelling at him for being reckless. "How's he doing?" Poe questioned for the millionth time, ignoring the jab at his stitches. The doctor took some of her readings, checked Finn over, and scribbled notes onto her data pad. "Remarkable recovery. He should wake very soon, and a great deal of the damage had been healed. He'll need physical therapy and all, and he isn't getting out of bed for at least a week, but I think our brave defector will be just fine." The last part was whispered softly, before her eyes narrowed as she gave Poe a once over. "You however look like shit. Go shower, shave and eat something. Otherwise the poor boy will wake up and promptly die of fright at the sight of your sorry face. You look like a zombie. Go. Go!" Dr. Kalonia snapped, shooing Poe and his droid from the room. 

Resigned he'd never win a battle of stubbornness with the good doctor, Poe did as he was told. He took a long time in the fresher, shaved his face, gave BB-8 a tune up and ate a banana, returning to the medical center in new less sweaty clothes, for a renewed vigil at his friend's side. Refreshed, Poe began to talk to Finn of less depressing things. He spoke about how excited he was to show Finn the green of the jungle, and how to swim in the water. He wanted to formally introduce Finn to the other pilots, though his team was always joking they already knew Finn from how much their commander talked about the young man. He wanted to take Finn up in Black One and see if the other man still liked flying. He wanted to learn all about Finn. And if Finn didn't know himself that well yet, Poe would help him and learn about Finn with Finn. They could train together, eat in the cafe together. Finn could watch his first non-propaganda holovid. He couldn't wait to hear Finn laugh again, or see him smile. Or embrace him. 

Yeah and maybe Poe had been hit with feelings for Finn like a brick wall, rapidly deepened in the chaos that followed their first meeting. You could call it a crush, but Poe felt like it was so much deeper than that. Almost a sense of familiarity, like it was the hand of fate. He wouldn't say or do anything about it, not right now. Finn needed time to get his bearings, to decide who he was and what he wanted. And Poe would wait. He'd wait days, weeks, months, and years till Finn was comfortable enough in his own skin before trying to see if the other reciprocated his feelings. And if not, Poe would continue to be Finn's friend and supporter, but he knew even now, that he'd never stop caring deeply and romantically for the brave beautiful hero who defied expectations and limitations again and again and again and wore his golden heart on his sleeve. Poe could only hope-

"Poe?" rasped a questioning voice, and Poe's eyes snapped to Finn's face, to the dark deep eyes blinking back at him.

"Hey buddy," Poe whispered, heart hammering, tears welling over and dripping down his face in sheer joy as he grabbed a water cup for Finn. 

And so it begins, BB-8 chirped to themselves. Wait till I tell Rey.


	2. Awake and Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn is awake at last, and trying to figure out how he fits in this new world. Poe tried to contain his emotions, both negative and positive. BB-8 is done with this sappy shit.

Finn hadn't noticed time moving around him. It was as though his brain stopped processing midair as saber met flesh and bone. He hadn't even felt the chill of the snow on his face. He hadn't felt Chewie carrying him on or off the Falcon, or the medics and doctors pulling the pieces of his back together again. And Finn was grateful he'd been spared those moments of pain. Of course now he felt everything. The stretch of too tight skin on his back felt like fabric grasped in two rough hands and pulled further and further apart till the stitches sprang apart and shredded. His muscles all over ached from lack of movement and the bright light bouncing off the walls kept a dull throbbing pain drilling into his head. It had been four days since he'd woken to soft promises and a blur of neon orange. How strange and wonderful a universe it was to make a man like Poe Dameron, he thought. How strange to have someone wait by your bed for you to wake. Not unpleasant, mind you. But certainly strange. Next had come the rush of doctors, words that were long and foreign, about tubes and chemicals. Poe had returned to the newly emptied room that night. Finn admitted he'd caught a bit of what Poe had shared with him in his unconscious state. And Poe told Finn how Rey had desperately tried to wait for him but was training with Skywalker. 

 

Rey. 

 

His head suddenly hurt worse. Like a shockwave out of his brain and outward indefinitely had vibrated out with Rey's name. More startling was when his head rang back with an answering pulse that tasted like salt and minerals and almost like his name. It had been joyful and confused. When Finn told Poe, the pilot's eyebrows nearly arched right off his face. "I think...buddy I think that's the force," had come Poe's cautious remark. "Rey is a Jedi so it makes sense you'd hear her, but her hear you?" BB-8 whirled and chirped, rocking forward and back. "You might be more like Rey than everyone thought," Poe translated. "Though I don't know why he calls you 'Coat Thief'?" 

 

Finn laughed loud enough to startle himself. Between the two of them, Finn and BB-8 retold again the story of their first meeting on Jakku. This prompted a bashful Poe to vanish back to his bunk retrieve the jacket in question, newly patched, and let it rest on Finn's lap. Supernovas exploded in Finn's dark eyes as joy creased the corners of his mouth. The brilliant white of Finn's smile kicked the breath from Poe's lungs. "You did this for me?" Finn murmured in child like wonder, tearing his gaze from the jacket to shift that wonderment directly onto Poe with the intensity of a spotlight. Poe's words died in his tongue in the glow he was experiencing and could only smile widely and bob his head in the affirmative. "Yeah buddy, I mean, you looked so good in it that it'd be a shame to waste," and Poe could have high fived himself then at how he'd managed to sound cool and unruffled despite the slam and crash of a tidal's wave worth of different emotions in his gut. There's a rose blush unfurled on Finn's face in answer. There is hesitation, before one fist digs into the well worn leather of the jacket and the other grabs at Poe's hand. He can't look up from the soft blue of the hospital blankets at his waist, because nothing makes sense here. There's no order, no formula, and rules seem fluid. He has no idea if this is okay, but it feels right in a way the Order would have called wrong. Maybe that makes it more right. Either way, he twists his fingers and latches on tight to Poe. Poe, insane, reckless, wild card, Poe is the only source of stability in this chaos zone. "Thank you, Poe Dameron. I don't know what...I can't really express it because I can't understand it just now. But you are amazing." 

 

He isn't looking at Poe, so he doesn't see the wet shine to his eyes or the harsh bob of his Adam's apple. But Poe squeezes back just as hard. He can feel a heartbeat in his palm and he doesn't know whose it is, but it's comforting. It reminds him of the tree his mother planted in the back yard. A gift from Luke Skywalker, something intrinsic to the force. When Poe would press his ear to the warm bark as a child he could hear a dull hum that sounded much like a steady heart. Finn's a bit like that tree, Poe marvels. Complicated, otherworldly, and comforting. Strange that the stormtrooper gone rogue turned hero, something so utterly unprecedented, could remind Poe of home so strongly he could practically taste the kualua fruit and hear the buzz of summer evening insects in the jungle. 

 

But this eye contact avoidance was not going to work. At a secondary squeeze of hands, Finn finally glanced upward, confusion splattered across his face. Poe didn't appreciate the terror of freedom, Finn reasoned. It was all so much bigger. But Poe wiggles his eyebrows wildly till Finn laughed, and the frowns turned to smiles and smiles to laughter again. They spoke on different things then, about their roles in the destruction of Starkiller, of BB-8, until both men were nearly hoarse. Never did either relinquish the physical connection Finn had started. But at the night drew nearer and the time for Poe to rest for his mission tomorrow came, another frown folded across Finn's face. Immediately, Poe nudged his shoulder and let the question sit silently on his face. He'd already told Finn they weren't going to decommission him or throw him out or whatever, that the Resistance was grateful for his help. But he wasn't expecting what came next. 

 

"Poe, the General is Luke Skywalker's sister right?" 

 

Baffled at the sudden turn in conversation, Poe nodded. "Yeah. They're twins." Finn nodded thoughtfully, but if anything seemed more anxious. "Luke Skywalker is a Jedi. Like Rey. Does that mean the General...? I mean of she's Luke's sister..." Poe agreed again. "Yeah she's Force-sensitive. Not like Skywalker. He trained to be a Jedi, and now he's training Rey. That gets into really like intricate forms of using the force. The General uses it more like badass instinct. From what I've gathered I mean. Is everything ok Finn?" he couldn't help but ask, a little desperately. Finn gave a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "It's all fine Poe. Do you....do you hate people who use the Force. After everything with Ren?" came a shaky and oddly frightened query. Poe sat back to process. Did he? He was certainly more wary. But then again his trust in the General was absolute and she could use the force in her own somewhat rudimentary way. And Luke, he trusted Luke from knowing the man while growing up. Rey seemed pretty trustworthy too. He'd been seeing his mandated therapist with limited success about the whole mind fuck of having everything squished and torn out and open. Still. "No. I know a lot of good ones. I guess it's just something I need time for. But war doesn't really give you that time you know?" Finn looked solemn, like he was absorbing all of Poe's words. He squeezed the pilot's hand. "Thank young for telling me Poe." BB-8 chose that exact moment to charge into Poe's chair at ramming speed, nearly knocking him off. 

 

Poe-Friend, you must charge so you will perform well on your flight tomorrow, the small droid chastised. Poe barked out a laugh and leaned over to try to hug Finn without going near his still sensitive back. Both men wished each other a goodnight before the click of the door zipping closed behind Poe sent the room into an oppressive silence. But Finn kept his eyes fixed to the door, and sure enough, a few minutes later they zipped open again. A figure stepped through the threshold and walked toward his bed with purpose. 

 

"Finn," came the calm voice of his visitor. From the tone, he knew hey had some idea of what was troubling him and wanted him to know as well. He tried to get out of bed and managed to stand on his feet and salute if only for a moment. 

 

"General," he croaked.


	3. Death and Dying While Breathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Leia is a badass, and she and Han begin to emotionally adopt Finn. Finn explains the bizarre visions he had while in a coma. References to Clone Wars, Rogue One, the Originals, the Prequels, and Rebels.

The ripping blast of pain from standing made Finn's knees crumple and he nearly got a face full of floor tile before the General rushed the last steps and steadied him in her arms with surprising strength. With Finn wincing and breathing heavily, she managed to get him fully into the bed and press a button near his IV that sent cooling relief rushing through his veins. "Thank you...General," Finn coughed out, drinking a few quick gulps of his water. The General smiled warmly and settled into the little chair Poe had occupied all day, and for many days before that. "This is blasted uncomfortable," she half muttered before turning to face Finn. "No need to stand on my account. Please. Now as to why I am here," she said firmly but not unkindly, cutting right to the point. "Finn, do you know what it means to be Force sensitive?" He closed his eyes and tried to keep the panic at bay with several slow deep breaths. When he opened them, the General was gazing at him with kindness and something akin to pity. "It can't be me," was the only response his brain could throw out. But her smile said it all. "No, General, it can't. I'm not like that. I've never been like that," came his voice bleeding with panic. The General merely folded her arms. "Never? You sure about that?" He blinked before nodding fervently. A knowing grin curled on the General's face. "Because I've been told you successful removed a high level resistance spy slated for execution by yourself with no trouble. That you managed to, in the middle of a hallway, remove your helmet and speak to said spy, and then despite there absolutely zero acceptable reason for it, walk that spy through the base and to the ships passing thousands of soldiers and leaders, get in a TIE fighter,and fire it successfully the first time. Then you were able to predict coming danger with Rey on Jakku, escape on the Falcon and avoid being eaten by whatever Han was illegally transporting. Oh and use a lightsaber despite never seeing or touching one before effectively, command the attention of a room of enemy generals and leaders, find Rey again, destroy Starkiller, find Han, hold your own against Kylo Ren, and both send and receive a force message to Rey accidentally when you woke up." Her eyes glittered with mirth. "You knew I was here the whole time. And I'm willing to bet the more you've been awake the better you can recall your dreams. Because I could feel those emotions and panic from Han's room your entire stay." 

 

Finn turned away guilty. He hadn't told Poe, but it was true. The strange names and voices of his dreams had begun filtering back into his memory every morning, ones he had lost when he first awoke from his comatose state. . The General suddenly took his hand in her own, covering his trembling fingers with the calloused hands of a fighter. "Finn, you almost died. You were on the knife's edge just like Han. Maybe even worse. At times like that, the separation between our minds and the rest of the force is thin." He glanced up nervously but was met by comforting eyes in a maternal powerful face. "For me, it was right after I saw Darth Vader destroy my entire planet," came her soft admission. "I didn't know what it was then, nor for a long time, untill after my son was born. I talked with Luke and we made sense of the feelings and memories that weren't mine that swam around in my head. It was the Force, and my connection, at the time, to the lost people of Alderaan. " She smiled then, inching the terrible little chair closer to his bed. "You have it too. A growing connection to the Force and the people within it. I could feel it went we first met. More like me than Luke or Rey, but it's there. And it can be a great gift or a terrible burden. Either way you have to learn to control it so it doesn't control you." Finn felt weaker than ever before in his life at that point, frustration bubbling in his chest. "I don't want it," he admitted at last. "It makes me feel defective. And dangerous." The General moved then, graceful as water as she flowed up from her chair and down onto the space beside him in bed. He felt a pang, a flash, wondering if this is what Kylo Ren saw when he, as a child, had had a nightmare. The creases in a worried loving face, the genuine concern. The General touched his forehead like he had a fever. "Finn, you are the furthest thing from defective." When he tried to speak, he was shushed. Finn felt very much like a child in that moment. Or at least what he imagined a child who hadn't been beaten into silence and obedience by the First Order would feel. Frustrated, helpless, afraid, confused, and so very scared of the dark. But the General smiled and looked at him like a thing of actual value. More than that. Like a person, a person worth caring for and about. "You are brave, Finn. So very brave. You saved Poe, Rey, and the entire Resistance. I know you might think your goal of self preservation makes that all void but it's simply not true. If it had been, you'd have never looked for Poe in the wreckage or tried to get BB-8 to us. You'd have left Rey as a captive, you'd have run when Kylo Ren disarmed Rey. But you didn't do any of those things. You've broken free of careful and intensive brainwashing all on your own. Because you didn't want to kill for the First Order. You've stood between danger and your friends more than once. The Force chooses only those that can handle it. And I think it chose well in you." Tears track down his face like twin rivers, wetting the soft collar of his hospital gown. But it's hope burning it's way out of his chest now. Something like acid or fire but he knows in his bones and brain that this terrible wonderful feeling is hope. "Whatever you've experienced in dreams or awake, you can talk to me about it. And I'm going to help you learn to use this. You picked up a lightsaber for the love of Jedha! And you used it to fight for your friends though you didn't know how. This is the same. This is a tool to protect your friends, strengthened with practice." 

 

There's a zip accompanied by the click whack of wheels. Han Solo wheels himself into Finn's room, looking angry and determined. Or maybe he always looks that way. The General rolls her eyes and sighs heavily, twisting to look scornfully at her husband. "Told you to stay in bed you scruffy nerfherder," the she remarks. And Han scoffs, undeterred and finally reaches Finn's bedside, tossing the uncomfortable lime chair into a corner when it blocks his path. "When did I ever listen to you Princess?" comes his gruff reply, stealing the rest of Finn's water. Han looks Finn over, and shrugs. "So I was right then? Kid's got your kinda Force?" The General rolled her eyes again, but smiled warmly. "It isn't my kind of Force. The Force is the Force. But yes, he has my kind of Force." Han nodded solemnly, still regarding Finn. "I didn't believe in the Force one bit till Luke. Now, well, seeing is believing in my case. You been having weird dreams kid?" Finn nodded, swiping at his eyes with his palms. He couldn't sit up properly for long, so he allowed himself to settle against the inclined pillows. "Yeah," Finn whispers like a confession, looking into Han's somber eyes. "I didn't remember them at first but I was talking to Poe and...and well I heard one of the voices again and it started coming back." The General pats his hand in encouragement for Finn to continue. "I was in the desert. Somewhere, not Jakku, but a lot like it. There was a man, and he was sitting in the sand. And he had a scar," Finn traced a line through his eyebrow and down his eye. "His name was Anakin. He was looking for someone. I asked if I could help him and he said he could help me. We fell through the sand, and we were in a cave somewhere with shining rocks everywhere. There were two men and they were sparring. One of them was blind and they were laughing. Everything bubbled and moved. We were at a beach. There was a guy and a girl and they were embracing. She had one of the shiny rocks on her necklace. And I could hear them say "I'm with you all the way," over and over and over. They looked sad...but happy?" Reading emotions had not been something Stormtroopers had been concerned with in their training, after all everyone wore a helmet. Now he was wishing he'd been given even a modicum of previous experience at it. " Then we moved or fell or something. There was a huge droid in a ship and he was yelling and had a gun. I tried asking Anakin where we were, or what was happening, but every time he saw the people he looked terrified and moved us again. There was a pilot, he looked like a pilot, with goggles. He was smiling and flying in the sky. Then we were with a woman, she was tired and digging in the sand. Anakin said he couldn't bare to see her yet. He showed me Rey and Luke and Chewie. Anakin said he was so proud of Luke. And so sorry. He said Rey was really strong. That she should have been the chosen one. He left me here in the hospital, and I could see myself in the bacta tank. Anakin said things were going to change, and thing were going to get harder." Finn paused, tracing the lines of his blanket with his eyes and trying to remember to breath. Dr. Kalonia told him he had to take deep slow breaths when he felt the shaking energy of anxiety drowning his lungs and mind like this. But this part, he felt, required real eye contact. Finn turned and met the calm and curious eyes of the General. " You came into the room and told Poe he needed to go eat something. Anakin said you were his daughter. He said you got all the best parts of him, and none of the bad. That he was proud of you too. And he wished he'd made better choices, so he could have known you. Really known you, as Anakin, not as the bad parts. A woman came in, she was beautiful but sad, with flowers all in her hair. Anakin disappeared. The lady she said her name was Padme. She said Anakin was still scared of facing her. Of the woman in the sand too, and that's why he kept disappearing. He was ashamed she said, too ashamed to talk to anyone else, because he thought all of these people's deaths were his fault, directly or indirectly." The General's eyes closed, but she didn't look angry. Just tired, and sad. A bit like Padme. "But she said he spends a lot of time with Ben, trying to pull him away from the dark side, like Luke did for him. When he isn't with Ben, she goes to Ben and tries to pull him to the light side. She spends time here with you too. She says she's everywhere at once and nowhere, because she's one with the Force. They all are. When they can let go of the past, they can move like her, and visit, even if no one sees them. She says only Jedi who are one with the force can talk to the living. Padme introduced me to Obi Wan and he was funny and kind. He spends a lot of time with Luke. Especially after all the Jedi younglings were murdered again. He almost never leaves. And he looks for Anakin. Obi Wan wants to help Anakin come to terms, he said. So he can really be at peace. This tall pretty lady came over and she and Obi Wan kissed. Her name was Satine, she said. She told me I had to find the line between necessary violence and unnecessary violence. That the Resistance had forgotten that line." " She told me the air on her home planet smelled like lilies, and that she would hope we could find peace in our lifetimes. Then I was in the hangar, with Padme, but I don't remember moving. There was a woman with thick dark curly hair in an old jumpsuit. She was sitting on Poe's X Wing, singing. Padme said she spends her time with Poe and with Kes. Her name was Shara Bey, and she said she fought in the war against the Empire. She also said Poe was her son. And Padme reminded me the Force is everywhere, so those who've rejoined the force are everywhere all the time. She, the pilot lady, asked me to tell Poe something but it was in a weird language." Fond smiles had worked their way onto both Leia and Han's faces, as they shared a look. Finn assumed Shara Bey had fought under the General, or maybe Han. She must have been a friend too, since Poe said Leia was practically his Aunt. "Padme told me I needed to go, or I'd never come back. She said that I had to remember not to worry about being a good solider, but a solider that does good." Finn still found that advice confusing at best, and wondered why everyone assumed just because they were dead they got to tell him what to do and say so much. But he figured that might be rude to say out loud, though an upward twitch to Han's brow made Finn suspect the older pilot already guessed what Finn was thinking. There was one last message Finn had to deliver, so he turned back to focus his full attention on the General. "Right before I woke up there was another lady. Ahsoka she said her name was and she was tall and powerful and pretty with a white owl on her shoulder. She said emotions cloud judgement, but judgement cannot be devoid of emotions or it becomes cruel. She also said to tell you that you need more blaster practice. Then... then I woke up." 

 

Finn breathed heavily, exhausted from pouring it all out at once. This definitely felt more like a burden than a gift, bringing the words of dead strangers to the living. He didn't like it at all, and it still made him feel like something in him was malformed or something. The General shared a long look with Han before turning back to Finn. "My guess is you came so close to dying and joining the Force yourself, that for a moment you hovered completely between dead and alive. Otherwise you'd never have interacted with non-Jedi people like that," the General pondered. "I think I know most of those people. Many were great heroes of the Rebellion who lost their lives. Brave selfless people who sacrificed themselves to bring peace. My father Anakin, my mother Padme. The pilot was no doubt Poe's mother." Han made a noncommittal noise. "Bossy lily chick sounds like Obi Wan's old girlfriend from Mandalor. Before Luke...well before evrything, I helped him dig up some old Jedi Order stuff. Mentioned her dying in Obi Wan's arms. Don't know the sand lady. And Ahsoka, she's the one who was Anakin's apprentice till she left. She joined the Rebellion." The General smiled fondly. "Yes, she taught me almost all I know about surviving a war. She was practically my second mother." Finn didn't realize he had started to cry again till Han fumbled in his pocket for a handkerchief and handed it with surprisingly trembling hands to Finn. 

 

"It's gonna be okay kid," Han said at last, the softest Finn had ever heard the older man speak. "Keep being brave," he continued. "And trust the Force."


End file.
